One of the hardest things to do is to forgive our parents. So many conflicting feelings are tied into the trauma which makes it so very complicated. It’s a work in progress for me; some days I feel so much compassion for them while other days my anger and sadness resurface. And that is ok. I then work my way through the emotions and then let them go.
This letter to your mom is profound, so heartfelt. It motivates me to also write one to my mother, one that she will never read of course, in the hopes that it will bring some peace. Sending love to your inner child today. 💛
To yours as well. I let myself be angry for almost three years until I wrote this letter. You can’t skip the anger phase, otherwise it’s just putting a bandage over a gaping wound
Thank you for sharing this with me, Elizabeth. What a beautiful, open-hearted expression of love that I suspect was hard-earned and hard-won. Forgiveness and various feelings around it come up often with clients in my practice who have experienced familial abuse (including scapegoating abuse). An alternative (trauma-informed) concept is 'radical acceptance', which I write about here, for anyone interested: https://familyscapegoathealing.substack.com/p/radical-acceptance-and-its-role-in
thank you so much rebecca, I know you know how hard it was to get to this place. I am opening your page to read now.
I just wrote an essay about getting to the place of being able to enforce boundaries, I’ll share with you tomorrow. As you know, being the family scapegoat meant having no boundaries so that is a hard thing to learn laterin life
Yes, these families that scapegoat - whether dysfunctional or narcissistic in construction - are always enmeshed, no matter how 'distant' members may seem. Enmeshment which is often fueled by unrecognized, unprocessed intergenerational trauma.
Thanks so much for sharing this! This feels very much like my letter to my Mom when she was young. I’m sorry for both of our Moms…I’m sorry for both of our childhoods. But we came out stronger, more capable to take care of ourselves and the little girls inside us! Onward…
Thank you for sharing these feelings, it couldn’t have been easy. The best thing is to forgive and be at peace knowing that you did a good job figuring out your life. You’re such talented young lady!
You are giving her love, you know. This letter is exploding with love. I know how hard it can be to decide whether or not to see family members in person following trauma, after many years. Give yourself some time. Baby steps. Well done for expressing so much so clearly. Sending hugs.
One of the hardest things to do is to forgive our parents. So many conflicting feelings are tied into the trauma which makes it so very complicated. It’s a work in progress for me; some days I feel so much compassion for them while other days my anger and sadness resurface. And that is ok. I then work my way through the emotions and then let them go.
This letter to your mom is profound, so heartfelt. It motivates me to also write one to my mother, one that she will never read of course, in the hopes that it will bring some peace. Sending love to your inner child today. 💛
To yours as well. I let myself be angry for almost three years until I wrote this letter. You can’t skip the anger phase, otherwise it’s just putting a bandage over a gaping wound
Thank you for sharing this with me, Elizabeth. What a beautiful, open-hearted expression of love that I suspect was hard-earned and hard-won. Forgiveness and various feelings around it come up often with clients in my practice who have experienced familial abuse (including scapegoating abuse). An alternative (trauma-informed) concept is 'radical acceptance', which I write about here, for anyone interested: https://familyscapegoathealing.substack.com/p/radical-acceptance-and-its-role-in
thank you so much rebecca, I know you know how hard it was to get to this place. I am opening your page to read now.
I just wrote an essay about getting to the place of being able to enforce boundaries, I’ll share with you tomorrow. As you know, being the family scapegoat meant having no boundaries so that is a hard thing to learn laterin life
Yes, these families that scapegoat - whether dysfunctional or narcissistic in construction - are always enmeshed, no matter how 'distant' members may seem. Enmeshment which is often fueled by unrecognized, unprocessed intergenerational trauma.
this is my essay on learning to set boundaries https://elizabethgracemartinez.substack.com/p/the-year-of-no?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=1585417&post_id=155939782&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=false&r=2bjmwx&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email
does enmeshment mean codependent? or your emotions are based on pleasing them?
Thanks so much for sharing this! This feels very much like my letter to my Mom when she was young. I’m sorry for both of our Moms…I’m sorry for both of our childhoods. But we came out stronger, more capable to take care of ourselves and the little girls inside us! Onward…
I’m so glad this connected with you :)
Thank you for sharing these feelings, it couldn’t have been easy. The best thing is to forgive and be at peace knowing that you did a good job figuring out your life. You’re such talented young lady!
thank you so much, Jo-ann!
I honor your thoughts
thank you Judith
This is huge. I am so [proud? amazed?] by the grace you've shown here. Big super tight hug.
And yes so huge
Thank you friend!
You are giving her love, you know. This letter is exploding with love. I know how hard it can be to decide whether or not to see family members in person following trauma, after many years. Give yourself some time. Baby steps. Well done for expressing so much so clearly. Sending hugs.